A July Moment

Another Sunday evening dinner. This has become a gathering day for my family, and it all began while M was in law school. He said he'd like to start coming to dinner on Sundays, and that was three years ago. Now, both he and T have girlfriends, and both come most Sundays. Also, my very good friend P, who separated and then divorced her husband of 25 years, and my husband, and his mother, and sometimes his brother, and sometimes my parents. Assorted others. During the warm weather, we almost always barbeque dinner, usually fajitas, and everyone likes the predictability. It's funny that when M and T were growing up, I was virtually certain our "family life" would end once they grew up. I mean, they fought like tigers when they were kids. But, voila! Once in college they became friends, and now our gatherings are actually fun.

Bloomsday

Anyone else marking this day? Every year I promise myself I will finish reading Ulysses, but I remain only 2/3 along. Every "chapter" takes rereading so many times, I am so rewarded, but so exhausted by the effort...

Constant Battles

Philo of Alexandria, a philosopher, said: Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. I remind myself of this, because people's public faces can be so misleading. Behind the calm expression, the impassive stare, the slight smile...exists the struggle. I can easily lull myself into thinking everyone is happier than I, that I am alone with the conflicts I carry with me, everywhere I go. I can forget that moments of pleasure, immersion, escape are respites, not commuted sentences. When I catalogue all the efforts I have made, or that people I know have made, to eradicate the battle, it becomes an extrordinary list. The all-time favorites, the quick fixes: alcohol, drugs, sex and food. My personal favorite: reading. The traveling cure. Religion, philosophy, New Age hokum. Withdrawal, avoidance, disregard. Rage, anger, acting out. Oppressing others.

The good ones, the ones that leave me feeling less conflicted, are not so easy. Accomplishing something tangible. Planting tomato seedlings, learning to fly a jet, handfeeding a baby bird fallen from a nest, playing catch with a small boy while waiting in a long line. Some of these I've done. At least I don't hate myself afterward...

To start.

I've always liked writing, but bemoaned my inability to write good fiction, or even decent fiction. So, a blog? I'll see what happens when I stick to thoughts and ideas. Twenty-plus years of listening has seasoned me, which has to be one of the top reasons to appreciate getting older. In my mid-twenties, I knew immediately that this was one profession that would be served by maturity, and I actually relished the thought. Of course, at that time I must have believed I'd keep that body, and develop maturity only in the mind... Anyway, I was trained in the classic tradition, with a psychodynamic focus. That means I consider all human behavior to have meaning, not that it arises out of the blue. As you might imagine, this perspective provides a beautifully realized understanding of the magnificence of all human expression.