Bloomsday

Anyone else marking this day? Every year I promise myself I will finish reading Ulysses, but I remain only 2/3 along. Every "chapter" takes rereading so many times, I am so rewarded, but so exhausted by the effort...

Constant Battles

Philo of Alexandria, a philosopher, said: Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. I remind myself of this, because people's public faces can be so misleading. Behind the calm expression, the impassive stare, the slight smile...exists the struggle. I can easily lull myself into thinking everyone is happier than I, that I am alone with the conflicts I carry with me, everywhere I go. I can forget that moments of pleasure, immersion, escape are respites, not commuted sentences. When I catalogue all the efforts I have made, or that people I know have made, to eradicate the battle, it becomes an extrordinary list. The all-time favorites, the quick fixes: alcohol, drugs, sex and food. My personal favorite: reading. The traveling cure. Religion, philosophy, New Age hokum. Withdrawal, avoidance, disregard. Rage, anger, acting out. Oppressing others.

The good ones, the ones that leave me feeling less conflicted, are not so easy. Accomplishing something tangible. Planting tomato seedlings, learning to fly a jet, handfeeding a baby bird fallen from a nest, playing catch with a small boy while waiting in a long line. Some of these I've done. At least I don't hate myself afterward...